My fave treat unaware my belly is Hnat a fan.
I am beyond fortunate to have grown up with a stay-at-home mom who's love language = food. She prepared balanced, homemade, nourishing meals with fresh produce that I loved to pick from our garden. Even with that food foundation, I was the sick child who always had strep throat or some kind of bronchial infection.
We now know more about the delicate gut microbiome and how antibiotics (especially broad spectrum ones that I was prescribed) can destroy essential healthy gut bacteria, allowing an overgrowth of opportunistic bacteria. In my case, this lead to insatiable almost drug-like sugar cravings from an unbalanced belly but no one else in my family experienced this side effect.
It is also important to note that I was using sugar as a coping mechanism for the deep-seated pain of my past that I would stuff down with sweets. I see this food pattern in a lot of clients as well.
Now that I'm able to view my health from the 30,000 foot perspective through the trained eyes of a clinical dietitian, plus know first hand the in's and out's of my personal GI health history, I was able to connect my food + health dots.
I realized that I suffered for decades with multiple undiagnosed food sensitivities and intolerances from foods I loved (first dairy, then gluten, corn and many others) which caused severe gastrointestinal inflammation, painful bowel irregularities, and chronic illness due to a compromised immune system. It also meant prescribed rounds and rounds of antibiotics each year.
Fast forward to my late teens: my family dynamics would evolve again and this time it was my decision. Moving in with my dad and stepmother meant my food environment shifted as well.
They were both successful executives with demanding careers. I really don't know how they managed it, but we ate a variety of balanced homemade foods, crockpot meals, boxed pasta salads, meals out (our favorite default: pizza and Mexican) as well as frozen dinners.
Healthy Choice veal parmesan was my ride or die until in 10th grade when I learned how veal calves were inhumanely treated. I've always loved animals and this was the first step in conscious and intentional eating for me. Without reservation, without a second thought, I immediately deleted veal from my food choices and never missed it.
My mom was on her spiritual path and gave up red meat after a trip to India. I was curious why and learned about the increase of stress hormones released in their meat during slaughter (research HERE) and the Law of Karma attached to that.
None of it sounded good to this animal lover so I deleted red meat immediately. The more food I eliminated from my diet, the better my belly started to feel. Provocative documentary's like Food Inc. & Cowspiracy solidified my conscious food choices.
But sweets were a totally different category near and dear to my heart, belly, and taste buds!
My fave: ice cream with my older brother and grandmother before discovering my belly is Hnat a fan.
I am beyond fortunate to have grown up with a stay-at-home mom who's love language = food. She prepared balanced, homemade, nourishing meals with fresh produce that I loved to pick from our garden. Even with that food foundation, I was the sick child who always had strep throat or some kind of bronchial infection. We now know more about the delicate gut microbiome and how antibiotics (especially broad spectrum ones that I was prescribed regularly) can destroy essential healthy gut bacteria, allowing an overgrowth of opportunistic ones. In my case this lead to insatiable, almost drug-like sugar cravings from an unbalanced belly but no one else in my family experienced this side effect.
It is also important to note that I was using sugar as a coping mechanism for the deep-seated pain of my past that I would stuff down with sweets. I see this food pattern in a lot of clients as well.
Now that I'm able to view my health from the 30,000 foot perspective through the trained eyes of a clinical dietitian, plus know first hand the in's and out's of my personal GI health history, I was able to connect my food + health dots. I realized that I suffered for decades with multiple undiagnosed food sensitivities and intolerances from foods I loved (first dairy, then gluten, corn and many others) which caused severe gastrointestinal inflammation, painful bowel irregularities, and chronic illness due to a compromised immune system. It also meant rounds and rounds of prescribed antibiotics each year.
Fast forward to my late teens: my family dynamics would evolve again and this time it was my decision. Moving in with my dad and stepmother meant my food environment shifted as well. They were both successful executives with demanding careers. I really don't know how they managed it, but we ate a variety of balanced homemade foods, crockpot meals, boxed pasta salads, meals out (our favorite default: pizza and Mexican) as well as frozen dinners.
Healthy Choice veal parmesan was my ride or die until in 10th grade when I learned how veal calves were inhumanely treated. I've always loved animals and this was the first step in conscious and intentional eating for me. Without reservation, without a second thought, I immediately deleted veal from my food choices and never missed it.
My mom was on her spiritual path and gave up red meat after a trip to India and taught me about the increase of stress hormones released in their meat during slaughter (research HERE). None of that sounded good to this animal lover so I deleted red meat too. Chicken was next after watching a 20/20 episode exposing the disgusting filth and cruel living environments. The more foods I eliminated from my diet that felt heavy to my system, the better my belly and consciousness started to feel.
But sweets were a totally different category near and dear to my heart, belly, and taste buds!
I loved birthday's for the frosting factor but sucking in my belly after ballet class.
Before my decision to flirt with a diet during my senior year in high school, I used to freely eat Dunkin Donuts strawberry frosted donuts, Taco Bell taco salad (yes, I ate the fried shell and patted myself on the back for being "healthy" by ordering a salad) and my bestie's mom owned an ice cream store (!!!) down the street from our high school.
What a dream!
We would go visit Judy and devour a double scoop as our weekly ritual. Chocolate peanut butter + Oreo was my default and it made me happy. ERO guilt or shame. I ate what I loved and didn't overthink food. Ever.
My father grew up with fresh baked goods in the house since my grandfather was a baker. I loved having pies, ice cream, and cookies at their house and never had any disordered thoughts or guilt about what I ate.
Every school day I would enjoy an afternoon snack, usually a piece of pie, some cookies and milk, or candy that I picked up at the gas station (butter toffee Skor bars were my favorite but I also enjoyed Twix and M&M's).
But hearing, "that's going to catch up with you" or "wait until your metabolism slows down" when I would eat sweets suddenly created food fear. I started labeling my favorite after school snack as a "guilty pleasure."
Instead of continuing the balanced, nonjudgmental approach I grew up with, food suddenly became a potential enemy to fear.
I don't fault this family member for making these comments since it's an indicator of their levels of awareness. They were struggling with unconscious emotional eating behaviors and likely heard them growing up as well.
We are a product of our environment so it's really important to refrain from using fear-based, disempowering language to your family, especially children. Yes, it's stressful to watch them eat in a manner that feels unbalanced because you mean well and want to help. I totally get it.
However, using shaming language can lead to fear, weight obsession, and low self-worth. The best way to be supportive is to lead by example and create a balanced and healthy relationship with food yourself.
It's easy for us to redirect the energy we personally need towards our children. The reality is they will mirror your unconscious behaviors, not what you say. Working with a mindful dietitian, ahem, right here, is an amazing way to fast track your progress. But if you are the DIY type, may I suggest without shame, my 30-Day Mindful Eating Challenge.
After awhile those programmed, fear-based food messages started to sink in. During high school I innocently replaced my beloved Toaster Strudel breakfast with a piece of fruit. I connected some powerful food/energy dots; normally I would crash in class but fruit kept me awake.
While I was fascinated with the inner workings of my human body and this ability for food to either provide energy or zap it, that diet-based food experiment would set me up for categorizing food as "good" or "bad".
It's important to also mention that I turned down therapy because my belief was steeped in stigma, but in hindsight it could have helped me with my trauma I was in denial about.
My fragile ego was still trying to find a sense of identity that had long been challenged with an unstable upbringing. The heavy childhood emotions left me raw and vulnerable, desperate to find a solid sense of self; attaching myself to diets and "diet culture" provided a false sense of belonging and purpose.
If I just do what everybody else is doing and go with the herd then I'll be seen as normal, lovable, and no one will "worry" about me. No one will know how much I'm actually struggling inside because the truth is I lack the language to articulate the depths of my inner turmoil or the ability to sit in those deep, heavy emotions right now.
I wasn't aware of how I was feeling but my behaviors and decisions started to display my mental and emotional suffering.
Just keep pretending that everything is okay.... and maybe some day it will be.
I loved birthday's for the frosting factor but I'm already learning to suck in my belly from ballet class.
Before my decision to flirt with a diet during my senior year in high school, I used to freely eat Dunkin Donuts, Taco Bell taco salad (yes, I ate the fried shell and patted myself on the back for being "healthy" by ordering a salad) and my bestie's mom owned an ice cream store (!!!) down the street from our high school. What a dream!
My father grew up with fresh baked goods in the house since my grandfather was a baker. I loved having fresh pies and treats at their house and never experienced any disordered beliefs or guilt about what I ate. Every school day I would enjoy an afternoon snack, usually a piece of pie, some cookies with hot tea, or candy that I picked up at the gas station (butter toffee Skor bars were my favorite but I also enjoyed Twix and M&M's).
But hearing, "that's going to catch up with you" or "wait until your metabolism slows down" whenever I would eat sweets suddenly created food fear. I started labeling my favorite after school snack as a guilty pleasure. Instead of continuing with the balanced, nonjudgmental approach I grew up with, food suddenly became a potential enemy to be afraid of. It was bad for me.
I don't fault this family member for making those comments since a) they likely heard them growing up b) they were operating at the level of awareness they were at and c) they were struggling with their own unconscious emotional eating behaviors while trying to lose weight. However, since we are a product of our environment, it's crucial to refrain from using fear-based, disempowering language around your family, especially children. Yes, it's stressful to watch them eat in a manner that feels unbalanced to you because you mean well and want to be helpful. I totally get it.
But using shaming language can lead to fear, weight obsession, and low self-worth. The best way to be supportive is to lead by example and create a balanced and healthy relationship with food yourself. It's easy for us to redirect the energy we personally need towards our children. The reality is they will mirror your unconscious behaviors, not what you say. Working with a mindful dietitian, ahem, right here, is an amazing way to fast track your progress. But if you are the DIY type, may I suggest without shame, my 30-Day Mindful Eating Challenge.
After awhile those programmed, fear-based food messages started to sink into my head. In high school I innocently replaced my beloved Toaster Strudel breakfast with a piece of fruit. I connected some powerful food/energy dots; normally I would crash in class but fruit kept me awake. While I was fascinated with the inner workings of my human body and this ability for food to either provide energy or zap it, that diet-based food experiment would set me up for categorizing food as "good" or "bad".
It's important to also mention that I turned down therapy because my belief was steeped in stigma, but in hindsight it could have helped me with my trauma I was in denial about. My fragile ego was still trying to find a sense of identity that had long been challenged with an unstable upbringing. The heavy childhood emotions left me raw and vulnerable, desperate to find a solid sense of self; attaching myself to diets and "diet culture" provided a false sense of belonging and purpose.
If I just do what everybody else is doing and go with the herd then I'll be seen as normal, lovable, and no one will "worry" about me. No one will know how much I'm actually struggling inside because the truth is I lack the language to articulate the depths of my inner turmoil or the ability to sit in those deep, heavy emotions right now. I wasn't aware of how I was feeling but my behaviors and decisions started to display my mental and emotional suffering.
Just keep pretending that everything is okay.... and maybe some day it will be.
Mom's chocolate mousse cake = pure LOVE!
The first time I intentionally restricted my food intake for weight loss reasons was two weeks before my high school senior ski trip, shortly after my Toaster Strudel experiment. My girlfriends and I made a silly pack to diet - a bad decision (many clients mirror similar sentiments saying, "why wasn't I happy with my body back THEN?").
The short version is this: for two weeks I cut out my daily afternoon snacks and all sweets then ate one brownie on the ski trip that quickly turned into a full-blown binge with a subsequent brownie hangover.
I never felt out of control with food before like I did with those brownies but that would jumpstart a multi-decade long abusive and confusing relationship with diets, food, and my body.
Unfortunately it would take over half of my life (!!!) to finally recognize the dysfunctional food habits and distorted body beliefs that I refused to befriend, created by an obsession to lose weight.
College included a series of minor weight fluctuations due to additional school stress but my steadfast denial kept me at arm's length from the bigger emotions tucked under the surface.
My mental health and self-worth suffered but my medicine, alcohol and sweets, were just a sip and bite away.
After college I dabbled in a series of diets including Weight Watchers but my inconsistency to become one of the magazine "before and after" weigh loss success stories I saved as motivation only fed my flatlined self-worth.
My mind was a cruel enemy; toxic thoughts would berate me and unfortunately I believed them all. I assumed that everyone my age was in a similarly abusive food and body headspace so I somehow existed in this self-destructive mode for more than I care to admit.
Twenty years after the brownie binge, a former roommate introduced me to a raw vegan diet she had success with. After my NYC birthday bash, I was desperate to lose weight and dove in headfirst.
On one end of the spectrum, the high-fiber plants balanced many of my multi-decade GI issues, my energy levels skyrocketed, and my depression finally lifted. A new world of nutrient-dense food opened up to me and I felt so good that I gave up alcohol and even sugar for three years to rebalance my abused system.
I did extensive juice fasts and detox cleanses; honestly I felt amazing. My skin glowed and I felt like I finally cracked my food code; I was in control of food and I actually lost weight this time!
Returning to my previous food choices seemed impossible since my identity was tied to my squeaky clean eating habits and my new self-worth was fueled by a flood of compliments about my weight.
I was happy and high on life, a constant hangover-free buzz that alcohol or sugar could never provide. Zero guilt.
On the darker, unrecognized end of the spectrum, this inflexible type of eating created deep layers of unknown disordered food behaviors and beliefs I mistook for disciplined diet dogma.
While avoiding big foods categories significantly improved my belly issues, my "bad" food list became exhaustingly extensive. I would soon fear food that wasn't organic or "clean" which made my dating and social life difficult.
The raw vegan diet honeymoon began to fray and fizzle fast but the constant compliments created a complicated relationship with food and my body.
I hit an all-time low when I brought my own "clean" food to a then boyfriend's sister's wedding since regular food created an intense, full-body hangover.
I justified my choices with good intentions such as "I want to prevent the diseases that run in my family!" Plus I just FELT better eating this way.
But looking back now my unhealthy and unbalanced focus on eating in a healthy manner screams orthorexia (aka: the clean eating disorder that celebrities promote, unaware of their own disorder).
The challenge was I felt so good on my high-vibe food but it turned into disciplined diet dogma and I couldn't see a way out of the unsustainable wellness rabbit hole I tumbled down into.
Diets don't come with a warning label, but they should. Especially for those of us born with a double-A type personality...who can take things to an extreme biohacking level in pursuit of "optimal wellness."
In my opinion, wellness falls on a spectrum like disordered eating and eating disorders. You just don't know where you cross the finely nuanced line of dysfunctional behaviors into a full-blown disorder.
My mom's famous chocolate mousse cake is what we always requested for our birthday celebrations!
The first time I intentionally restricted my food intake for weight loss reasons was two weeks before my high school senior ski trip, shortly after my Toaster Strudel experiment. My girlfriends and I made a silly pack to diet - a bad decision (many clients mirror similar sentiments saying, "why wasn't I happy with my body back THEN?"). The short version is this: for two weeks I cut out my daily afternoon snacks and all sweets then ate a brownie on the ski trip that quickly turned into a full-blown binge with a brownie hangover.
I never felt out of control with food before like I did with those brownies but that would jumpstart a multi-decade long abusive and confusing relationship with diets, food, and my body. Unfortunately it would take over half of my life (!!!) to finally recognize the dysfunctional food habits and distorted body beliefs that I refused to befriend, created by an obsession to lose weight.
College included a series of minor weight fluctuations due to additional school stress but my steadfast denial kept me at arm's length from the bigger emotions tucked under the surface. My mental health and self-worth suffered but my medicine, alcohol and sweets, were just a sip and bite away.
After college I dabbled in a series of diets including Weight Watchers but my inconsistency to become one of the magazine "before and after" weigh loss success stories I saved as motivation only fed my flatlined self-worth. My mind was a cruel enemy; toxic thoughts would berate me and unfortunately I believed them all. I assumed that everyone my age was in a similarly abusive food and body headspace so I somehow existed in this self-destructive mode for more than I care to admit.
Twenty years after the brownie binge, a former roommate introduced me to a raw vegan diet she had success with. After my NYC birthday bash, I was desperate to lose weight and dove in headfirst. On one end of the spectrum, the high-fiber plants balanced many of my multi-decade GI issues, my energy levels skyrocketed, and my depression finally lifted. A new world of nutrient-dense food opened up to me and I felt so good that I gave up alcohol and even sugar for three years to rebalance my abused system. I did extensive juice fasts and detox cleanses; honestly I felt amazing. My skin glowed and I felt like I finally cracked my food code; I was in control of food and I actually lost weight this time!
Returning to my previous food choices seemed impossible since my identity was tied to my squeaky clean eating habits and my new self-worth was fueled by a flood of compliments about my weight and radiant, youthful skin. I was happy and high on life, a constant hangover-free buzz that alcohol or sugar could never provide. Zero guilt.
On the darker, unrecognized end of the spectrum, this inflexible type of eating created deep layers of unknown disordered food behaviors and diet beliefs I mistook for discipline. While avoiding big food categories significantly improved my belly issues, my "bad" food list became exhaustingly extensive. I would soon fear food that wasn't organic or "clean" which made my dating/social life difficult. My raw vegan diet honeymoon phase began to fray and fizzle fast (hijacking my hormones) but the influx of compliments and praise created a complicated relationship with food and my body.
I hit an all-time low when I brought my own pre-made food to a then boyfriend's sister's wedding since regular food created an intense, full-body hangover. I justified my choices with good intentions such as "I want to prevent the diseases that run in my family!" Plus I just FELT better eating this way.
But looking back now my unhealthy and unbalanced focus on eating in a healthy manner screams orthorexia (aka: the clean eating disorder that celebrities promote, unaware of their own disorder). The challenge was I felt so good on my high-vibe food but it eventually turned into disciplined diet dogma and I couldn't see a way out of the unsustainable wellness rabbit hole I tumbled down into.
Diets don't come with a warning label, but they should. Especially for those of us born with a double-A type personality...who can take things to an extreme biohacking level in pursuit of "optimal wellness." In my opinion, wellness falls on a spectrum like disordered eating and eating disorders. You just don't know where you cross the finely nuanced line of dysfunctional behaviors into a full-blown disorder.
Vegan treats at NYC Baby Cakes... still labeling food as "good" or "bad"
I never knew that a peaceful middle ground between restrictive diets and overeating behaviors existed (what I now call the "mindful middle"). A calm space between the polar ends of chaos; I was so rooted in the bias of my health-based identity that it clouded my ability to see my dysfunction from the outside in.
And even when I learned about mindful or intuitive eating during my clinical dietetic internship, I scoffed at it because it sounded weak and quite frankly, unsexy compared to trendy, cutting-edge diets.
Who would I be and what would I look like if I wasn't always following my self-imposed food rules to manipulate my metabolism and body into submission?
I was scared that making peace with food would mean I would gain a ton of weight. But my intuition kept poking at me, regardless of the fact that I was at a "good" weight according to the scale.
My gut instinct kept saying, "Please look into this mindful eating concept so that you can speak from a space of authority about why you don't embrace it with experience instead of from a lack of knowledge. Stop being stubborn and judgmental."
So I did.
I dedicated a year to fully explore the vastness of mindfulness.
I promised myself that if it felt like a bunch of spiritual fluff, I could go back to what I thought was "working", plant-based diets, detoxing, restriction, whatever. That felt fair and reasonable.
In a nutshell, mindful eating totally transformed my life, the trajectory of my counseling practice, and my relationship with food, my body, and my spouse. Even as the expert in food and nutrition, it took me several years to identify and then reprogram my unconscious food patterns.
But now the amount of food flexibility and mental peace I feel is unmeasurable and pales in comparison to the morning ritual of assessing my self-worth from a metal scale now collecting dust on my bathroom floor.
I enjoy plant-focused meals because they FEEL good and energizing, They tastes amazing to me, the fiber honors my delicate GI system, and decreases my impact on the planet which is important to my value system.
While I do respect my health, it's not from the extreme perfectionistic "wellness" lens of my past. Now it's balanced and flexible.
The influx of health research and food messages that flood our feeds, especially from celebrities or influencers who are NOT food experts btw can be totally confusing, disconnecting us from our own wisdom.
I enjoy living in a vibrant body and creating fond food memories vs. freaking OUT over what I ate, convinced that it will cause me to gain weight.
Because at the end of the day, we live in a body-obsessed culture that equates thinness to the ultimate pinnacle of success. We are programmed to FEAR ANY WEIGHT GAIN AND ATTACH OUR SENSE OF SELF-WORTH TO THE WAY OUR BODY LOOKS AND WHAT THE SCALE SAYS.
It's so destructive but we can delete this toxic programming of our past, tune into OUR body and the wisdom we had as children to guide our food choices, portion sizes, and meal timing that feels flexible, authentic, joyful, and sustainable for us.
The reality is that our body weight will naturally fluctuate throughout our life and it can be a window into our emotions or behaviors that have an influence on how we are treating ourselves.
We can learn to adopt mindful and empowered eating skills that allow us to go on vacation without returning home and feeling like we've "blown it".
We can have a balanced approach towards nourishing our body the way it prefers to be nourished while having plenty of space to enjoy foods that we might have categorized as "bad" or weigh gain foods in the past.
As someone who went through the food ringer and came out of the other side with decades of wisdom that could fill books (currently writing the first one as you read this!), the only thing that makes sense is that I now have a high level of food wisdom that allows me to help people truly transform their relationship with food so my crazy journey was for a greater good in service to others.
I'm in disbelief that I allowed myself to struggle for so long, sat in the discomfort of my own self-made suffering, and lied to myself about the level of my disordered behaviors, habits, and thoughts.
Check in with yourself right now, there must be a reason you made it this far reading about my story. There must be something inside of you searching for something you want.
It's so hard to take a honest look at our relationship with food because on so many levels our behaviors and thoughts are only trying to keep us protected and safe. A new client shared that she's learning how the magic is where you are brave.
But we are approaching a time in history where it's essential to take our personal power back. It's time for YOU to learn how to turn your food ship around, delete food rules created by you or some diet, and be your own nutrition guru.
In my humble opinion, it is by far the most vital decision you will ever make if you are in a food fight and body battle. One I will never regret making since it has a positive, domino effect on each client I work with and then impacts their family and loved ones as they lead by example, expanding the ability for other's to take a balanced approach towards eating and living a more joyful, expansive life!
Indulging in vegan treats at Baby Cakes in NYC felt a lil' scary due to an underlying fear of weight gain.
I never knew that a peaceful middle ground between restrictive diets and overeating behaviors existed (what I now call the "mindful middle"). A calm space between the polar ends of chaos; I was so rooted in the bias of my health-based identity that it clouded my ability to see my dysfunction from the outside in. Even when I learned about mindful or intuitive eating during my clinical dietetic internship, I scoffed at them because it sounded weak and quite frankly, unsexy compared to trendy, cutting-edge diets that celebrities promote. I completely understand the appeal and fantasy.
Who would I be and what would I look like if I wasn't always following my self-imposed food rules to manipulate my metabolism and body into submission? I was scared that making peace with food would mean I would gain a ton of weight. But my intuition kept poking at me, regardless of the fact that I was at a "normal" weight according to the scale. My gut instinct kept saying, "Please look into this mindful eating concept so that you can speak from a space of authority about why you don't embrace it with experience instead of from a lack of knowledge. Stop being stubborn and judgmental."
So I did.
I dedicated a year to deeply explore the enormous concept of mindfulness.
I promised myself that if it felt like a bunch of spiritual fluff, I could go back to what I thought was working, plant-based diets, detoxing, restriction, whatever. That felt fair and reasonable.
In a nutshell, mindful eating totally transformed my life, the trajectory of my counseling practice, and my relationship with food, my body, and my spouse. Even as the expert in food and nutrition, it took me several years to identify and then reprogram my conscious and unconscious food patterns. But the amount of food and mental peace I experience now is unmeasurable and pales in comparison to the morning ritual of assessing my self-worth from a silly metal scale now collecting dust on my bathroom floor and the downright cruel and toxic internal dialog that used to flood my brain.
I enjoy plant-focused meals because they FEEL good and energizing, They taste amazing to me, it honors my delicate GI system, and decreases my impact on the planet which is important to my value system. While I do respect my health, it's not from the extreme perfectionistic lens of my past which can happen to any of us who deserve to feel GOOD in our body!
The influx of health-related research and food messages that flood our feeds, especially from celebrities or influencers who are NOT food experts btw can be totally confusing, disconnecting us from our own internal wisdom {IBW}. I enjoy living in a vibrant body and creating fond food memories versus eating in response to emotional overload then freaking OUT over what I ate, convinced that it will cause me to gain weight. It's easy to see the disconnect once you cross over the food freedom bridge, but it's difficult to see when you are neck deep in the thick of it.
Because at the end of the day, we live in a body-obsessed culture that equates thinness to the ultimate pinnacle of success. We are programmed to fear any weight gain and attach our sense of self-worth to our appearance, the way our body looks and what the scale says. This toxic behavior is normalized.
It's so destructive but we can delete this pernicious programming of our past, tune into OUR body and the wisdom we had as children to guide our food choices, portion sizes, and meal timing that feels flexible, authentic, joyful, and sustainable for us. The reality is our body weight will naturally fluctuate throughout our life and it can be a window into our emotions or behaviors that have an influence on how we are treating ourselves and our incredibly intricate body.
We can learn to adopt mindful and empowered eating skills that allow us to go on vacation without returning home and feeling like we've blown it. We can have a balanced approach towards nourishing our body the way it prefers to be nourished while having plenty of space to enjoy foods that we might have categorized as "bad" or weigh gain foods in the past.
As someone who went through the food ringer and came out of the other side with decades of wisdom that could fill books (currently writing the first one as you read this!), the only thing that makes sense is that I now have an extremely high level of food and body wisdom that allows me to help people truly transform their relationship with food.
My food agony was for the greater good in service of helping others. It's shocking that I sat in the discomfort of my own self-made suffering for so long, and lied to myself about the level of my disordered behaviors, habits, and thoughts I developed because it is praised in our society: this quest for thinness.
Check in with yourself right now, there must be a reason you made it this far reading about my story. There must be something inside of you searching for something you are curious about. It's so hard to take a honest look at our relationship with food because on so many levels our behaviors and thoughts are only trying to keep us protected and safe. A new client shared that magic is created when you are brave. I could not/Hnat agree more because brave people will challenge their status quo!
But we have approached a time in history where it is essential to take back our personal power and dial back into the wisdom of our body. It's time for YOU to learn how to turn your food ship around, delete food rules created by you or someone else, and become your own nutrition guru. In my humble opinion, it is by far the most vital decision you will ever make if you are in a food fight and body battle.
One decision can have a positive domino effect on you, creating a halo effect by giving others permission to challenge their food belief system and repair their relationship with food. The end result is a balanced and flexible approach towards eating and living a more joyful, expansive life without feeling oppressed by food rules and body hatred! You deserve more than that...
MY JOURNEY TO FOOD PEACE: MINDFUL AND INTENTIONAL EATING PLUS A HEALTHY DOSE OF BODY KINDNESS
Writing about my multi-decade food journey, this yo-yo diet cycle of restrictive/overeating behaviors and finally embracing mindfulness to create authentic food peace feels quite vulnerable; perhaps a bit self-absorbed in our oversharing world. I will likely edit this!
My goal in disclosing my crazy journey is to help give you hope for yours. While you might not have struggled with sugar or gone to the abusive diet depths like me, you can start to develop dysfunctional food beliefs after ONE diet.
My path created a deeper level of complexity and an enormous amount of awareness and compassion for where people are at on all parts of the diet spectrum. So I guess from a silver-lining perspective, this is my designated spiritual gift, albeit a lengthy and painful way to get to the prize!
The ultimate goal in sharing my personal story here is for several reasons:
1) to see if I'm a good fit for your food path
2) to perhaps learn a few things about yourself as you read about my struggles
3) to understand why I'm so passionate about helping other people repair and heal their relationship with food and their body
4) to see that you can connect the dots on why you do what you do with food so that you can dissolve any associated shame and avoid wasting your life dieting or obsessing about your weight.
At some point, the madness and insanity has to end. I was so tired of the daily fight...
***WARNING***
If you have an active eating disorder, are in eating disorder recovery, or working on body positivity, you may find this content triggering to you. Please read this post at your own discretion. I encourage those not in recovery to pay attention to how my personal journey might bring up any emotions or thoughts surrounding your own past or present experience. Any part of this which feels triggering can be an opportunity for connecting to your food behaviors or patterns that might benefit from additional healing and exploration with a trained practitioner. The DIY approach isn't always successful and can cause further damage.
Probably like you, I never intended to struggle with food and my body because it feels like a privilege to do so in a society challenged with poverty and lack of access to nourishing food for everyone.
But overwhelming emotions that remain unchecked, especially during tender and impressionable times, can trigger us to use food as a coping mechanism well before we learn about other things to distract us from our true inner feelings like alcohol, shopping, drugs, sex, gambling, or self-harm like cutting.
As a pre-schooler left shell-shocked, struggling with both anger and sadness by my parent's divorce without appropriate coping or communication skills, I eventually learned that sugar was an easy outlet to numb the emotional pain around the fast change of my family dynamics (adding in not one but two new step parents).
Both of my parents were managing their personal shifts and new partnerships while raising three children. I was too young to identify and articulate the intense sensations that I was riddled with but food, especially sugar and sweets, quickly came to the soothing rescue.
I have always, ALWAYS loved sweets. I joke that ALL my teeth are sweet! I never understood how my intuitive eating sister could eat half of a chocolate chip cookie, made from scratch and infused with my mom's love, and say "I'm full."
It absolutely baffled me then but after my extensive mindful eating journey, I would reconnect with a valuable internal resource I've coined as the Intelligent Belly/Body Wisdom™ or {IBW}.
This allowed me to create positive eating experiences while listening to my inner food and body wisdom. And yes, I can eat half a cookie now if that feels satisfying since my {IBW} guides the majority of my food decisions and eating behaviors now.
**(2 quick sidebars: the medical profession uses Ideal Body Weight (IBW) as a health gauge so I have intentionally rebranded it to Intelligent Belly Wisdom™. Next, my sister asked what I talk about with clients. It's so foreign to her, any type of food struggle or disconnection from her body, that she can't wrap her brain around the concept of having funky eating habits. May we all be so lucky!}.
MY JOURNEY TO FOOD PEACE, MINDFUL + INTENTIONAL EATING AND BODY KINDNESS
Writing about my multi-decade food journey, this yo-yo diet cycle of restrictive/overeating behaviors and finally embracing mindfulness to create authentic food peace feels quite vulnerable; perhaps a bit self-absorbed in our oversharing world. My goal in disclosing my crazy journey is to help give you hope with yours. While you might not have struggled with sugar or gone to the extensive diet depths like me, you can start to develop dysfunctional food beliefs and behaviors after just ONE diet. My path created a deeper level of complexity and an enormous amount of awareness and compassion for where people are at on all parts of the diet spectrum. So I guess from a silver-lining perspective, this is my designated spiritual gift, albeit a lengthy and painful way to get there!
The ultimate goal in sharing my personal story here is for several reasons: 1) to see if I'm a good fit for your food journey 2) to perhaps learn a few things about yourself as you read about my enormous struggles 3) understand why I'm so passionate about helping other people repair and heal their relationship with food and their body and 4) why it's so important to connect the dots on why you do what you do with food so that you can dissolve any associated shame and avoid wasting your life dieting or obsessing about food, meal timing, and your weight.
At some point, the madness and insanity has to end.
***WARNING***
If you have an active eating disorder, are in eating disorder recovery, or working on body neutrality, you may find this content triggering to you. Please read this post at your own discretion. I encourage those not in recovery to pay attention to how my personal journey might bring up any emotions or thoughts surrounding your own past or present experience. Any part of this which feels provoking can be an opportunity for connecting to your food behaviors or patterns that might benefit from additional healing and exploration with a trained practitioner. The DIY approach isn't always successful and can lead to further damage.
Probably like you, I never intended to struggle with food and my body because it feels like a privilege to do so in a society challenged with poverty and lack of access to nourishing food for everyone. But overwhelming emotions that remain unchecked, especially during tender and impressionable times, can trigger us to use food as a coping mechanism well before we learn about other things to distract us from our true inner feelings like alcohol, shopping, drugs, sex, gambling, or self-harm like cutting.
As a pre-schooler left shell-shocked, struggling with both anger and sadness by my parent's divorce without appropriate coping or communication skills, I eventually learned that sugar was an easy outlet to numb the emotional pain around the fast change of my family dynamics (adding in not one but two new step parents). Both of my parents were managing their personal shifts and new partnerships while raising three children. I was too young to identify and articulate the intense sensations that I was riddled with but food, especially sugar and sweets, quickly came to the soothing rescue.
I have always, ALWAYS loved sweets. I joke that ALL my teeth are sweet! I never understood how my intuitive eating sister could eat half of a chocolate chip cookie, made from scratch and infused with my mom's love, and say "I'm full." It absolutely baffled me then but after my extensive mindful eating journey, I would reconnect with a valuable internal resource I've coined as the Intelligent Belly/Body Wisdom™ or the better, rebranded {IBW}. This has allowed me to create positive eating experiences while listening to my inner food and body wisdom. And yes, I can eat half a cookie now if that feels satisfying since my {IBW} guides the vast majority of my food decisions and eating behaviors now.
**{2 quick sidebars: the medical profession uses Ideal Body Weight (IBW) as a health gauge and I have intentionally rebranded it to "Intelligent Belly Wisdom™"! And my sister asked what I talk about with clients. It's so foreign to her, any type of food struggle or disconnection from her body, that she can't wrap her brain around the concept of having funky eating habits. May we all be so lucky!}.
